Post by Seth Xavier on Dec 31, 2005 2:10:21 GMT -5
Holiday Havoc is over, and I lost.
One loss, no big deal.
But it is a big deal. I don’t why but I care. It sucks.
I lost to Morbid Angel. A man who is all about evil, hate and destruction.
And now I face him again. God must hate me or something. I don’t know why but he must. I have to face a man that I can’t understand. A man that is so mixed up that it makes my head hurt to think about it.
Seth Xavier versus Morbid Angel.
It will be a Holiday Havoc re-match.
I don’t feel as confident as I did the first time. Losing does that. It fucks with your head.
It has really messed mine up.
How do I prepare?
Do I plot to kick his teeth out before the bell? Or do I wait until I can spike his head into the mat. I don’t know. I am lost.
The holidays brought out the worst for me. Rena is mad. I am mad. Morbid Angel is always mad. So much anger.
I am unsure what to do. I am thinking that this is where my path ends. I will end up at the feet of my adversary. I will be broken on by Morbid Angel. My career will be over before it begins. These are the thoughts going through my head.
Forget them, push them out of your mind, get them away from your thoughts. It is time for something new. I need to find some new way to approach this.
I am scared. I am full of fear.
But I will not give in.
I sit with my thoughts at this lonely bar back home in Venice Beach. Why am I here if I got a match in Kent, Ohio? I had to go home. I needed to rethink everything after the pay per view. I came into Valor, without expectations and won my first match. Even set up a match at the following pay per view after I won. I went into the pay per view with high hopes and confidences. I left with dashed dreams and despair. Now I came home. I am home like my sister wanted. But I ruined that one. If only she knew I was in town. Unfortunately I have not mustered the courage to call her and apologize. Now I sit here at this lonely bar.
The name of the bar is insignificant. I am staring at the drink in front of me. I watch the beads of moisture on the outside of the bottle roll down to the bar. The drink sits untouched. I don’t know why I ordered it; I don’t drink to begin with. I guess, I am not the same man who left here three weeks ago to find his destiny. I have changed. I just don’t know if it is for the better or not.
I never took a cheap shot at anyone ever in my life, until after my first match. I slapped another guy. Morbid Angel to be exact. The man who handed me my first loss at Holiday Havoc. Now I face him again. And now I am full of fear. Something I have never experienced before. I don’t know how to handle it. So I pretty much ran home because of it. Seth Xavier is a coward.
Sunday, I face my fears. And I still sit in this bar and stare at the drink I will not be consuming. Makes sense doesn’t it. Fear has a way of doing that. It makes you react in ways that defy logic and common sense. It is making me question my future, not only in Valor but in wrestling altogether. Fuck…Seth Xavier is a coward.
I question it as I stare at this damn drink. I can’t take my eyes away from it. It is almost like if I do, then I will have to face what scares me. As long as I stare at the bottle I am safe. That is so lame. I am a grown man, and I am acting like a little girl. I am scared of the dark. All I need to do to fix that is turn on the light. All I need to do is realize that Morbid Angel is nothing but a man. A very deranged man with several mental defects, but still just a man. One person, a person who is not special. A man who has nothing over me except a win. It is the name of the game. A loss will happen. You can’t let it get to you. But it has. Seth Xavier is a fucking coward.
It is easy to say that someone should do this and to not worry, or that it doesn’t matter. But it isn’t that easy to actually follow through with what you say. Now I say that I shouldn’t be scared, but I am. I need to act to change this mindset. I need to do something other than look at this stupid bottle. Funny things happen when it is obvious you are lost in thought.
Seth sits at the bar by himself, staring at his beer. The same beer he has been staring at for the last twenty minutes. It has become lukewarm, but Seth has no intention of drinking it. The bar has two other patrons. A man and a woman, both of which are sitting at a nearby table watching Seth. They talk quietly amongst themselves but keep looking over in Seth’s direction. If he notices, he doesn’t show it. The bartender, a rather attractive female, walks towards Seth. She stops in front of him and clears her throat to get his attention. Seth looks up; his expression seems full of fright and anxiety. He pushes the beer towards the bartender and turns his back towards her before she can even speak. She gives him a look of disgust but grabs the beer and leaves. The man from the table makes eye contact with out superstar.
“You are Seth Xavier right?”
Seth stands. He takes a step towards the man in an attempt to get a better look at him. Not recognizing him, Seth doesn’t answer immediately.
“You are the guy from Valor right? The one that lost to the Nazi at the pay per view that was this past week.”
“I am him. “
“I watched the match. It was interesting to say the least.”
Seth walks up to the table that they are sitting at. The woman doesn’t give him a passing look as she is wrapped up staring at the man she is with. But the man has his attention focused on Seth.
“Do I know you?”
The man grins. He whispers to the woman who promptly gathers her stuff and leaves.
“Have a seat.”
Seth sits down across from the man. The man looks at Seth with eyes of intensity. The man grins.
“You don’t know me.”
“Are you a wrestler?”
“You could say that.”
Seth becomes confused but still sits with the stranger.
“Who are you then?”
That grin, it hasn’t left the man’s face since it appeared.
“You can say I am a King of sorts.”
More confusion.
“That doesn’t tell me who you are.”
“Just call me King for now.”
“What do you want of me?”
That grin still maintains.
“I noticed that you kept staring at that bottle for almost half and hour. Something must be on your mind. I may be able to help you out if you let me.”
Suspicion grew within Seth’s mind. Question’s as to who this man was and is float around. Questions of King’s intentions float around. Just so many questions have entered the mind of Seth Xavier.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why help me? You don’t even know me.”
King smirks.
“Call it a gesture of good will. I have grown bored of the things right now. I want a new challenge. Helping you will be that new challenge if you let me.”
Seth, still unsure, gives in and explains.
“I lost to Morbid Angel at the pay per view like you said. And now I face him at the next television show. I am full of fear for some reason. I don’t know if it is from losing again or the guy himself.”
“Probably both. I did see the pay per view. The guy was intimidating. I mean, how can you not be scared of a Nazi Satanist?”
Sarcasm dripped off the last few sentences.
“All you got to do is understand the guy some and you won’t have anything to worry about.”
“What do you mean? The guy comes off as pure evil.”
King laughs.
“Pure evil? You obviously buy into the horseshit that comes out of his mouth don’t you. The guy is no different than you or me. He is not pure evil. Morbid Angel can blow that out of his ass.”
“You don’t think he is?”
“Of course not. He is just another guy that gets off trying to be badass while fighting non aggressive animals.”
Seth manages a chuckle.
“Apparently, you saw him fight that deer.”
“I am not unfamiliar with Valor. I tend to follow certain companies. Valor happens to be one of them. I did see that. The deer gored him. And then he killed it. He killed Bambi. He has some balls there.”
Seth just shakes his head as he laughs again at the sacrasm. He looks at King who is grinning again.
“It is all a matter of realizing that no one can touch you. That their balls aren’t as big as yours. That they are not special, and that their shit doesn’t taste like marshmallows. You need to realize that and your fears will erase away.”
“That is easier said than done.”
King laughs.
“Just convince yourself of it. Just repeat it in your mind until you get it. Then when you have that done, we will go on to the next exercise to help you out.”
“What will that be?”
“You will learn that soon enough.”
Seth smiles. Confidence slowly enters his mind once again. Sunday is rapidly approaching; it is almost time for redemption. Seth Xavier and his new mentor, King. Will Seth’s path be revealed?
One loss, no big deal.
But it is a big deal. I don’t why but I care. It sucks.
I lost to Morbid Angel. A man who is all about evil, hate and destruction.
And now I face him again. God must hate me or something. I don’t know why but he must. I have to face a man that I can’t understand. A man that is so mixed up that it makes my head hurt to think about it.
Seth Xavier versus Morbid Angel.
It will be a Holiday Havoc re-match.
I don’t feel as confident as I did the first time. Losing does that. It fucks with your head.
It has really messed mine up.
How do I prepare?
Do I plot to kick his teeth out before the bell? Or do I wait until I can spike his head into the mat. I don’t know. I am lost.
The holidays brought out the worst for me. Rena is mad. I am mad. Morbid Angel is always mad. So much anger.
I am unsure what to do. I am thinking that this is where my path ends. I will end up at the feet of my adversary. I will be broken on by Morbid Angel. My career will be over before it begins. These are the thoughts going through my head.
Forget them, push them out of your mind, get them away from your thoughts. It is time for something new. I need to find some new way to approach this.
I am scared. I am full of fear.
But I will not give in.
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I sit with my thoughts at this lonely bar back home in Venice Beach. Why am I here if I got a match in Kent, Ohio? I had to go home. I needed to rethink everything after the pay per view. I came into Valor, without expectations and won my first match. Even set up a match at the following pay per view after I won. I went into the pay per view with high hopes and confidences. I left with dashed dreams and despair. Now I came home. I am home like my sister wanted. But I ruined that one. If only she knew I was in town. Unfortunately I have not mustered the courage to call her and apologize. Now I sit here at this lonely bar.
The name of the bar is insignificant. I am staring at the drink in front of me. I watch the beads of moisture on the outside of the bottle roll down to the bar. The drink sits untouched. I don’t know why I ordered it; I don’t drink to begin with. I guess, I am not the same man who left here three weeks ago to find his destiny. I have changed. I just don’t know if it is for the better or not.
I never took a cheap shot at anyone ever in my life, until after my first match. I slapped another guy. Morbid Angel to be exact. The man who handed me my first loss at Holiday Havoc. Now I face him again. And now I am full of fear. Something I have never experienced before. I don’t know how to handle it. So I pretty much ran home because of it. Seth Xavier is a coward.
Sunday, I face my fears. And I still sit in this bar and stare at the drink I will not be consuming. Makes sense doesn’t it. Fear has a way of doing that. It makes you react in ways that defy logic and common sense. It is making me question my future, not only in Valor but in wrestling altogether. Fuck…Seth Xavier is a coward.
I question it as I stare at this damn drink. I can’t take my eyes away from it. It is almost like if I do, then I will have to face what scares me. As long as I stare at the bottle I am safe. That is so lame. I am a grown man, and I am acting like a little girl. I am scared of the dark. All I need to do to fix that is turn on the light. All I need to do is realize that Morbid Angel is nothing but a man. A very deranged man with several mental defects, but still just a man. One person, a person who is not special. A man who has nothing over me except a win. It is the name of the game. A loss will happen. You can’t let it get to you. But it has. Seth Xavier is a fucking coward.
It is easy to say that someone should do this and to not worry, or that it doesn’t matter. But it isn’t that easy to actually follow through with what you say. Now I say that I shouldn’t be scared, but I am. I need to act to change this mindset. I need to do something other than look at this stupid bottle. Funny things happen when it is obvious you are lost in thought.
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Seth sits at the bar by himself, staring at his beer. The same beer he has been staring at for the last twenty minutes. It has become lukewarm, but Seth has no intention of drinking it. The bar has two other patrons. A man and a woman, both of which are sitting at a nearby table watching Seth. They talk quietly amongst themselves but keep looking over in Seth’s direction. If he notices, he doesn’t show it. The bartender, a rather attractive female, walks towards Seth. She stops in front of him and clears her throat to get his attention. Seth looks up; his expression seems full of fright and anxiety. He pushes the beer towards the bartender and turns his back towards her before she can even speak. She gives him a look of disgust but grabs the beer and leaves. The man from the table makes eye contact with out superstar.
“You are Seth Xavier right?”
Seth stands. He takes a step towards the man in an attempt to get a better look at him. Not recognizing him, Seth doesn’t answer immediately.
“You are the guy from Valor right? The one that lost to the Nazi at the pay per view that was this past week.”
“I am him. “
“I watched the match. It was interesting to say the least.”
Seth walks up to the table that they are sitting at. The woman doesn’t give him a passing look as she is wrapped up staring at the man she is with. But the man has his attention focused on Seth.
“Do I know you?”
The man grins. He whispers to the woman who promptly gathers her stuff and leaves.
“Have a seat.”
Seth sits down across from the man. The man looks at Seth with eyes of intensity. The man grins.
“You don’t know me.”
“Are you a wrestler?”
“You could say that.”
Seth becomes confused but still sits with the stranger.
“Who are you then?”
That grin, it hasn’t left the man’s face since it appeared.
“You can say I am a King of sorts.”
More confusion.
“That doesn’t tell me who you are.”
“Just call me King for now.”
“What do you want of me?”
That grin still maintains.
“I noticed that you kept staring at that bottle for almost half and hour. Something must be on your mind. I may be able to help you out if you let me.”
Suspicion grew within Seth’s mind. Question’s as to who this man was and is float around. Questions of King’s intentions float around. Just so many questions have entered the mind of Seth Xavier.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why help me? You don’t even know me.”
King smirks.
“Call it a gesture of good will. I have grown bored of the things right now. I want a new challenge. Helping you will be that new challenge if you let me.”
Seth, still unsure, gives in and explains.
“I lost to Morbid Angel at the pay per view like you said. And now I face him at the next television show. I am full of fear for some reason. I don’t know if it is from losing again or the guy himself.”
“Probably both. I did see the pay per view. The guy was intimidating. I mean, how can you not be scared of a Nazi Satanist?”
Sarcasm dripped off the last few sentences.
“All you got to do is understand the guy some and you won’t have anything to worry about.”
“What do you mean? The guy comes off as pure evil.”
King laughs.
“Pure evil? You obviously buy into the horseshit that comes out of his mouth don’t you. The guy is no different than you or me. He is not pure evil. Morbid Angel can blow that out of his ass.”
“You don’t think he is?”
“Of course not. He is just another guy that gets off trying to be badass while fighting non aggressive animals.”
Seth manages a chuckle.
“Apparently, you saw him fight that deer.”
“I am not unfamiliar with Valor. I tend to follow certain companies. Valor happens to be one of them. I did see that. The deer gored him. And then he killed it. He killed Bambi. He has some balls there.”
Seth just shakes his head as he laughs again at the sacrasm. He looks at King who is grinning again.
“It is all a matter of realizing that no one can touch you. That their balls aren’t as big as yours. That they are not special, and that their shit doesn’t taste like marshmallows. You need to realize that and your fears will erase away.”
“That is easier said than done.”
King laughs.
“Just convince yourself of it. Just repeat it in your mind until you get it. Then when you have that done, we will go on to the next exercise to help you out.”
“What will that be?”
“You will learn that soon enough.”
Seth smiles. Confidence slowly enters his mind once again. Sunday is rapidly approaching; it is almost time for redemption. Seth Xavier and his new mentor, King. Will Seth’s path be revealed?
