Post by ivana on Dec 23, 2005 0:37:05 GMT -5
Retrospect
[/u]Rain pours down outside your car window. Beating down on you like a hammer. You think nothing of it. It's just mere rain. Just a plain, old' rainy day, a boring rainy day. Some people like to sit outside and watch the rain. Personally I love Thunderstorms or at least I did. I used to love to see the ground shake beneath my feet. My feelings have changed so much these past few years. Feelings come and go at a constant rate. No one will ever truly understand my mind. Always traveling, going the distance. They can't catch up. My minds a run away a true delinquent, but a descendant of my perfect father would never disobey orders. We're told to follow and do what the Bible tells us to do. But lately that is rare, or seldom true. Honestly how many teenagers are going to abstain until marriage. Society has dramatically changed. Parents no longer force their children to go to church on sundays. No more Bible Study Class for little Ashley. If only her parents knew what she was doing while riding in cars with boys. Things they’ve never dreamed of. I’m completely sure.
They say they’ll never hurt you and just think of it as learning and laugh about the good and the bad. They say that they’ll love you even if you never touch them again. This only makes the temptation grown grow stronger.
Parents have no idea, in this day and age. They are totally oblivious to the world around them. A world full of sex. But, don’t we all just wish we could be totally and completely oblivious? It’s shocking how much people can actually ignore. So, I ask myself, will the fans take the role of the oblivious, ignoring parents or the knowing wise teen? Will they even remember who I am? Will they chant and rave? Holler and wave? I bet they’d laugh at the thought of me wrestling . . . We’ll see, slowly I’ll gain their trust, their faith will travel through my veins, as mine will travel through theirs. I’ll play the role of the preacher, the teacher of my faith, and they will all become more than believers. They will become my followers.[/color]
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::The Remembrance::
On the roof top of a local apartment building stands a person. It is raining like a biblical flood. A full moon rests in the cloudy sky, but one of the most calming sights for this woman normally. She seems nervy, anxious about something. She may just be shaking from the icy rain, but we can’t be too sure at this point. Her arms are wrapped around her tight, fit figure. She stands tall, proud looking almost. But we know better, inside her proud appearance is a lost lonely girl, a teenager. She peers down the edge, then back up at the moon again, once more she peers down the edge. Over and over again she repeats the same actions. She studies the street below. She basically lost everything that night. She never leaps off the edge. Only dreams of doing such things. There’s always something we dream of doing, but never end up doing them in the end.
A woman jerks in her sleep. She twitches not so facilely. This woman was once graceful in her sleep, but now she is restless. A cooling sense lingers across the small bedroom. She rumbles over, as she tugs the covers up higher. The heat bill hasn’t been payed yet, apparently. She lays fully still, the only movement comes from her chest. She inhales deeply through her tiny nostrils.
Her eyes open and pour with a flood of irate tears. Blushing blue, hello again old friend, we recognize you now. I’ll never forget those eyes. She frowns in her sleep, not again. The discovering of her past has happened, once more. She’ll never forget. She’ll never go back to the way she was before this started. She rises to her feet. A quick glance at the clock, 12:01 A.M. Only a few wobbly steps until she stands straight. She walks until she reaches the mirror. Shock grows across her face.[/i]
Ivana speaking aloud to herself:
I’ve seen your ghost and I’ll never forget it. My face is as white as the snow that haunts me. Your car widow was your door and nothing could stop you. Sometimes I react my thoughts over and over. They always end with you. I’m stale from denying and hiding behind this happy grin posing as a rock. It’s time to shatter the silence. I’m sick of the isolation. I need to talk with real people, God’s real. But, he isn’t in physical form always with me, He’s only in my heart. That’s where he’ll always rest for eternity. I’m growing tired of the reoccurring nightmare every year. Shrinks don’t help. I once went to a Christian Psychologist, she asked if I had tried praying. Of course I had, every night I pray I’ll forget the bad and remember only the good.
She pauses for an extended period of time. Her fingers pick and poke at her not so perfect skin. Her once pale face has grown flushed. She pulls her pink lips. A frown still sets, lonely. Just past her lip there’s more anger than laughter. [/i]
Ivana speaking a loud to herself:
It’s hard to believe it’s been six years, tonight. I always get down on myself during the holiday season. But I should really be celebrating my Savior, Jesus Christ’s birth. But you always seem to cover him up. You over lap my Savior. You’re such a distraction. I miss you so much. I took my time with you for granted. But I know with you and Jesus at my side I’ll achieve and concur all of my goals. All I need is just a little patience. Perhaps that’s all we all need. Maybe I don’t even need Jesus. I must be totally losing it tonight. First the dream, now this, I can’t believe I actually just questioned my faith. Tonight, is the first night I’ve ever questioned my faith. Maybe he is test me. Trying to tell me I’m no longer his charity case? He must really have faith in me if he believes I can handle all these huge up coming events on my own.
She pauses. Just standing in remembrance of her Savior and her sister. Also, of her up coming match at the Valor Pay Per View on Christmas, Holiday Havoc. She continues staring at herself in the mirror, almost in disbelief.[/i]
Ivana speaking a loud to herself:
On Christmas, I go up against four other women for the first time ever in Valor. I make my debut on none other than Christ’s birthday. I can’t believe I almost got so hung up over the six year reunion of My older sister’s death. Every year I think I’ll get better. Every year I try to celebrate her life, but I find it difficult. I always end up breaking down, with no one to turn to but my real father Jesus.
In just three days I’ll step into the ring with four other well established women wrestlers. I’ll admit it, I’m a little nervous But after that scene in the locker room tonight, I’m over my fears.
I’m going to show those other women that I’m some little goody good, bible hugger. I’m more than that. I’m also a strong competitor. It’s never been about the moves, its been about the match. You can make all the right motions, but nothing turns me off. You can’t break Jesus’s stride. You can’t break my stride, I’ve got the power of three packed into one stellar mind. I’m mentally prepared for this match. I’ll throw them off guard, smart them out. I’ll make every single one of you look like The “Patron Saints of liars and fakes.” You can make believers out of anyone. But only ones with true power have the strength to follow something they believe in. Randi, Jade, Brittney, and Jaime follow everything you believe in. Follow yourself, I know I do. I follow myself and God. Put what comes first in your eyes, always first. Fight for what you believe in, fight for what you follow. That’s what I do, and that’s how I know I have the power too win this Sunday on Christ’s Birthday. I’ll do whatever it takes to win this match. I’ll do whatever it takes to prove myself in this federation.
Ivana takes one hard look into the mirror, just staring into her own relfection. She knows she’s not perfect. But she’s still ‘God’s Gift’. The scene fades to black.[/i][/center]
OOC: I hope this came across strong. I really wanted it to. I'm still getting into Ivana's character. this is the first rp I've ever actually done for a match with her. Good luck to all my opponents as well as everyone else at the PPV. Thanks for reading, comments are welcome, but not required
