::The True Fall Out:: Ivana's rp for Thunder

[ivana]

Retrospect

[/u]

Have you ever took a shot? And didn’t even come close? I have. Have you ever felt like you’ve not only let yourself down but everyone else too? I have. My mind has been slipping. I’ve had a loss of words since, Sunday. I can’t believe I let him down. I’ve been down in the dumps lately. Walking in the dark alley, hiding behind the house in the woods, The usual depressing scene. I’d love to paint the picture better but, I’m feeling lazy. I’ve let everyone down around me. I’m falling out of the shell I once called home, a turtle’s nightmare.[/color]

The True Fall Out

A purple plaid lays against her leg, and her body against the bed. Her head rests on a pillow. As she lays in remorse. The television isn’t on. She lays in silence. Her head turns and tilts with paranoia, a bad feeling. One of the most uncomfortable feelings in the world. [/i]

Ivana in thought:

This hurts, I’m sure it was meant to. My body doesn’t ache from a physical standpoint but only form me mentally wishing I was injured. I wish pain upon myself, but never do anything about it. He won’t let me. But I’m beginning to think about the bible in the drawer. Like “what did it ever do for me?” My mind wanders. I haven’t moved a muscle in what seems to be minutes. I was anxious for my match, excited. Perhaps I let the excitement take over, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I should have won that match. I had it won, before I stepped into the ring. It must have been that stupid costume. I felt ridiculous with a red painted nose. It was disgraceful to wrestling. That’s all it was. I was a disgrace to everything I’d worked so hard to earn. Before I walked down that ramp and into that square shaped ring, I felt so flawless. Almost untouchable, and I was until I wasn’t paying attention, and got knocked out of the ring. I’m ashamed of myself, a let the crowd get to my head.

Ivana lays biting on her hang nail watching it bleed, then sucking it back up.

Ivana in thought:

Jesus died for me, and I let him down. I’m useless, I can’t beat Jade. She’s too good, too quick, my body is weak, and growing weaker by the hour. I could get stronger, but I’d need help. His help. I let Tanya down, most of all. I can’t dedicate matches anymore, because if I lose, then It’s like I’m giving her my failures. I feel like giving up on everything today.

Ivana looks long and hard into her bleeding finger.[/i]

Ivana:

Jade you’ll pay, I’ve got so much on my mind right now, I’m not thinking clearly on any subject but you. You’re the “Resident Bitch”, but you won’t stop me. I might be questioning my faith, but He’ll never give up me.

Ivana stares blanking as the scene fades to black.[/center]

OOC:BOO this sucked

[Reverend Shadow]

here it is...I think you did an excellent job in showing mental conflice b.c of the religious nature of your character...i remember long ago doing something like this with mine...but no quite as good at all..descent job for having something bothering you..i know how that feels sometimes when i try to write and something is preoccupying me...well good luck but i dont think you will need it cuz i believe Jade is gone..well ne ways thats all..

Rev.