Post by ivana on Jan 7, 2006 20:39:40 GMT -5
Retrospective
[/u]Have you ever just dreamed all your wishes would come true?
Ever wished on a shooting star?
We all have.
It rarely comes true, but we still do it.
Ever wanted all your questions answered?
We all have.
The real question I think everyone, including myself wants answered is,
“Do you have to praise God in order to get into Heaven?”
Tricky.
But, intriguing.
No one is One Hundred percent sure.
A very iffy subject for most people.
But, believe whatever you want to.
Make sure you preach it until you die.
Trust what you believe in, you’ll never be the same once you start to follow
in his footsteps.
There is no turning back.
His gravitational pull is the strongest thing I’ve ever encountered.
I’m sure many would agree with me.
But, even though my savior is strong.
Everyone has their weaknesses.
Including myself, I’ve only been in two matches in this federation and I’m already starting to lose my faith.
I’m losing it to glory.
Before I was glorious for Jesus.
But, now I am just glorious for myself.
It frightens me to think some of the thoughts I’ve been thinking.
Things I’d never dreamed of thinking until now.
But I’m good to go.
His words will be taken with me.
But it looks like I’m still on my own.
It’s scary, to be all alone.
With no friends, not a soul to turn to.
The bible almost tells me nothing I believe in anymore.
I’m sick of commitments, it’s time I dropped one.[/color]
***************************
A Change[/u]
Sun beams shine into the room, through the half broken blinds. I pull the blanket over my head to hide the light from my fair face. My hands move around my face, I feel the same. But, there is something different about me. I pull the blanket back down. My blushing blue eyes trace around the apartment. It almost looks unrecognizable. What the hell happened last night? This isn’t even my bedroom. I must have fallen asleep on the sofa. Confused, I lay awake, thinking. My headaches with pain. My mouth is dry like a cotton ball stole away all of my saliva.
Ivana (thinking out loud):
This is different. Am I even alone, in my own home? Why can’t I think clearly? What have I honestly done.
It’s alright to be scared, just keep telling yourself that. Showing your fears shows true strength. I’m just going to stand slowly.
I stand but I can hardly keep balance. Walking through quick sand would be easier. So lightheaded I can hardly see. My world is spinning. I’ve never felt like this before, at least not for awhile. But, then my blushing blue eyes tilt and turn until they stop. Something almost unrecognizable in this apartment A look of shock consumes over my entire face.
Ivana (thinking out loud):
What have I done, this is awful. I haven’t done this in years. I can’t believe... I... actually turned to this again. It’s scary because this is what my father did. He turned to you. They always say it runs in the family, even more so after tragedies. I don’t stand a chance, with my guilty conscience. I’ve got this dirty little secret and now it has a friend. It’s amazing, yesterday I felt so alive. But now I’m feeling down. Last night was fun, from what I remember now.
I partied. I got drunk. I even sinned.
Guilt grows across my face, as I continue walking. My mind isn’t working right, all it is thinking is water... My bare feet are cold against the chilly floor. My thighs tingle. I look down at them.[/i]
Ivana:
WHERE THE HELL ARE MY PANTS?
Motion is heard as I stop dead in my tracks while heading toward the kitchen. I listen closely. My breathing grows heavier, stronger I thought I would never... [/i]
Voice:
Good your awake...How do you feel?
I think to myself, but the voice is unrecognizable, who’s in my appartment.
Voice:
I was surprised when you bleed last night, I figured you’d done it before.
I don’t move, he’ll come to me. I don’t want to see him. He’s turning the corner. He is gorgeous. Shaggy dark hair, with glorious green eyes. He is smiling, and I’m melting. [/i]
Him(in sight now):
How is your head? You were pretty drunk....
Ivana:
Who are you? I’m sorry I don’t remember anything.
Him:
I’m Jesse, you invited me back to your place last night after the game. First we stopped and got a little to drink. Remember now? It was a lot of fun. You were great.
Ivana:
I don’t remember anything really, did we?
Concern, I can feel it in my voice. I’m scared, terrified. He smiles bigger. [/i]
Jesse:
No, we didn’t have sex, you cut your head on your night stand after you threw up all over your pants. I guess I should have explained that first.
He laughs, his laugh is wonderful. I can’t take my eyes off him. [/i]
Jesse:
I enjoyed you, I was really sick of spending every night at my own house, I hadn’t been out in ages. You told me about everything. I guess you’re more talkative when you drink.
Ivana:
Guess so. I was worried. I’m sure you could tell.
Jesse:
You didn’t look scared like that last night, when you told me about your match at Slam. It’s so awesome you’re a Valor Superstar. I'm glad someone actually has morals in that business. All those other women parade around like whores in skimpy outfits. It's a disgrace to all women. You make a great rolemodel.
Ivana:
Apparently not. I invited a man back to my home that I don't even know. I got drunk, something I haven't done since that night. I was terrified. I care so much about what other people think. But I don't care what my opponents at Slam think of me. They just think I'm some little goody God lover, who can't have any fun.
Jesse eyes me insanely. My heart beats rapidly. He is so easy to talk to. With him I'm on top of the world.[/b]
Ivana:
One calls herself the 'Asian Temptation'. Well you know what Amerie. I don't care if your Asian, I'll still show you that I'm 'God's Sensation'.
We both chuckle into each others eyes.[/i]
Jesse:
What was the other guys name? Randal?
Ivana:
Her name is Randi. But she might as well be Randal. She refers to herself as a Dominatrix. Just another word for kinky if you ask me. She is nothing but a sleze. She doesn't even know how to use her own whip. I had to show her how it was really done. It's pathetic.
Jesse:
Tell me more about this Amerie girl.
So, he wants to know more. I look into his eyes even deeper. Like a forest, they seem never ending.
Ivana:
She is debuting in our match at Slam. I know she was trained by an upcoming Superstar named Tha CBT. But, I think Mark should really be called Tha ABC. He hasn't quite mastered anything else yet. If she really was 'trained' by Mark. She can't be that great. She walks around bragging about it, like being trained by him is such an accomplishment. Some of us have to actually work for things. We don't sleep our way into federations. We work for it, and I don't mean on the corner like Randi does. I mean in the ring, I mean we train for years in underground feds. We make wrestling rings in our own backyards. We don't even use a ring sometimes because we like to feel our backs hit hard on the muddy grass. Our clothes get stained. We learn that bleeding is a normal thing, and just to put a band-aid on and move on. We finish the match completely, we don't stop for breaths of air. There isn't such a thing as taking a water break in Wrestling. This isn't boxing. This is a real sport. With real athletes. Randal can wrassle. But she doesn't have God on her side. I don't think she understands just how powerful he is. I don't think I even know how powerful he is. I just know he has true strength. I will win on Sunday, Sunday is a day of Christ. Brittney and I will dominate.
He is beautiful. He nods. We walk hand and hand back toward the sofa, as the scene fades to black.[/i][/center]
